Episode 25 - Beefy's Return to the Brotherhood
In Santa Catalina, the invading pirates had finished off their raid on the Sisterhood stronghold and were now escorting the surviving prisoners over to the local jail, whilst the captured officers of the Sisterhood Alliance were taken to Sir Loin 'o Beef's residence ready to be interrogated by Coggy and his mates.
The Governor didn't seem to mind the pirates' recent actions in his town - he was merrily joining in in the celebrations as the officers of the Grim Reaper and Baron Boat sat around a large oval table in the mansion consuming numerous tankards of his rum, ale, and whisky.
"A toast to me Brethren pirates!" announced the drunken Sir Loin.
"Here Here, matey!" called the men in unison.
Coggy stumbled to his feet and ordered one his crew to go fetch the ships cook. "Git dat bugger up 'ere as quick as ye can, lad. I wants him ta prepare us a banquet fit fer Kings!"
"Arrr, Arrr..." shouted his rowdy mates in agreement.
Morgan gave Davey Jones a hefty pat on the back and asked, "Mate, what's wrong wit ye? Why aint ye joining yer mates in an ale 'o two?"
Jones poured himself a glass of water and replied, "Arrr, Henry I's decided ta give up the grog 'n stick ta water drinkin' from now on"
The rowdy celebrations ceased immediately as each pirate instantly spat out their grog and looked at Davey in astonishment.
"Did I hear dat bugger correctly?" asked Moose.
Davey got to his feet an announced, "Tis true lads, I've givin' up da booze."
"What da 'ell fer?" asked a puzzled Cog.
"Arrr, lesten ye ferget, Cogs, tha last time we went Treasure huntin', we all ended up in da blimmy locker! And I's blamed meself ever since" replied Davey, with a touch of guilt in his eyes.
The pirates looked even more confused. But on seeing their bewildered expressions, Davey proceeded to explain, "Tis like this lads A drunken sailor is nay use ta no body especially in da midst 'o a battle. And If'n ol' Davey Jones had refrained from taking me daily dose 'o grog on dat fateful morning we ran inta the Ol'Man, I reckon we could 'o won da day 'n gutted da Ol'Bugger 'n his Spanish cronies," he said, before sitting back down again and adding, "We'd 'o surely returned ta Tortuga wit a ship full 'o Treasure - instead 'o meetin' such a gruesome end."
"What ye yakkin' about?" asked Moose, "We didn't stand a chance, mate! We wus cut ta pieces by a 'undred blood-thirsty corsairs!"
"Aye, Moose's right" added Coggy, "Drunk or sober, tha odds were against us, so yew being under da influence 'o a bottle 'o grog wouldn't 'o made any difference" he said, trying to console his mate.
Davey looked at his shipmates but remained defiant in his choice, "I knows yer only trying ta cheer me up 'n all - and tis greatly appreciated - but I's got ta liking tha taste 'o water now anyhow. And besides - I want ta be sober when we finally goes up against da blimmy Treasure Fleet!"
"Can't argue with that!" said Morgan, before standing up and raising his tankard, "I propose 'nother toast mateys! This time ta Davey Jones - tha soberest bastid ta sail da seven seas! Haaarrrr"
The pirates all gave a hearty cheer and toasted their mates' decision.
"Never thought I'd hear meself say that!" laughed Morgan, as he sat down and continued drinking.
As the officers returned to their drunken rowdiness, Davey Jones motioned NavyRum towards him. In a hushed voice he said, "Mate, best be getting a few 'o da men ta go out back 'n clear up all da mess they made 'o Beefy's boars!"
"Arrr, glad yer sober mate <hic> I forgot all 'bout dat!" replied the Lieutenant.
"Aye, we don't want da Gov'nor ta get upset 'n all… not now he's returned to tha brotherhood 'n is having such a fine time wit his mates" added Jones, "So be quick 'bout it!… and while yer at it, kick down da fences and we'll make out that the blimmy pigs all scampered fer da hills when they saw we was commin'"
"Arrr, this staying sober malarkey suites ye, mate! <hic>" replied NavyRum, "I'm glad one of us has got his thinkin' hat on! hehe"
The Lieutenant quickly staggered his way out of the room and went to find a shipmate to help carry out his orders.
Just as NavyRum left, a couple of Coggy's guards entered, followed by several female officers.
The pirates stopped what they were doing and put down their tankards as the four women were escorted into the room. "Sir, these be the officers we took prisoner. Oh, and the wench Annabelle whom I believe yee's already met." explained one of the guards.
Coggy stood up and smiled. "Well me hearties, just who do we 'ave 'ere?"
The rest of the pirates all stood and looked on with glee.
Cog tipped his hat to Annabelle before walking the line of prisoners. He stopped at the first woman and announced, "Moose! Better sober yer drunken hide up, matey! Me thinks dis one be yer beloved wife!"
Moose got to his feet, wiped his lips, and hurriedly tidied himself up just as Moose Lady gave him a menacing scowl that caused the pirate to shiver to the bone.
"Ahoy, me darlin'!" he said, as he staggered over to his wife.
"Yew drunken git! Tis typical 'o ye, aint it?" she barked, "I's not had da pleasure 'o yer company fer many a month, and when ye finally graces me wit yer presence - ye end up bein' drunk and fowl smellin', - not ta mention da fact dat YE SANK ME FRIGGIN' SHIP!"
Morgan began to laugh - before Moose Lady turned and gave him the most menacing of looks.
Moose gathered his composure before removing his hat, looking his wench right in the eye, and without further hesitation, he grabbed her by the collar and pulled her towards him. "Tis nice ta see yew too! Me love." he said, before pulling her closer and giving her a passionate kiss.
The gathered pirates all threw their caps in the air and gave a hearty cheer as the wenches were invited to join in in the drunken revelry.
Moose Lady soon calmed down and gradually became beguiled by her husband's charm, as she too, enjoyed a couple of rums with the infectious scoundrels.
"Ahoy, Cap'n Maggie!" shouted Cog over the din as he recognized the woman from Margarita. "Ye said we'd meet again one day and low 'n bleedin' behold, ye weren't wrong, were ye lass?" he laughed.
"Aye, but I wasn't expecting ta meet yew again in such 'unfortunate' circumstances" called back the irate woman.
Coggy smiled and gave her a wink, "Don't worry thar, Cap'n. I'll buy yew a nice new ship once me mates 'n I have gotten our hands on some 'o dat Spanish Treasure. Tis a right shame the Sisterhood won't be commin' with us to Puerto Bello though… Haaarrrr" he said, sarcastically.
Morgan poured their guests more ale before asking Maggie, "Who's dis fine lookin' wench sat beside ye?"
Maggie's companion grabbed a tankard of ale out of Henry's hand and gulped it down in one go! Wiping her lips, she answering his question, "I'm Cap'n Mandy, of the Virgin Rose. And yer lucky I'm un-armed dis very moment… fer yew Sir - would be tasting me blade quicker dan a French whore can drop her pants!"
Henry looked a little shocked at the woman's menacing response, before giving the wench a broad grin and wink, "Like Coggy said, we'll gladly 'consider' compensating yew blimmy hags when we've gotten our scurvy 'ands on dat Spanish loot."
The pirates continued on with their drunken revelry as their guests reluctantly joined in.
"Dag-blast it! Where's dat friggin' cook?" moaned Cog, as he told one of the guards to go see what was happening about the banquet he'd ordered.
Sir Loin 'o Beef stood up at the head of the table, a bottle of ale in one hand, and a tankard of rum in his other. "Maties, I declare dat this 'ere town 'o Santa Marta <hic>"
"Santa Catalina!" shouted Moose, as he corrected his drunken mate.
"<hic> Aye dats da one! I do declare dat this lil' town 'o Santa Catalina be needin' itself a new Gov'nor from dis day forth!" continued Beef, before adding, "Tis me desire… nay duty!… ta join me Brethren in thar latest quest! <hic> And I therefore resigns me post 'o Gov'nor and relinquishes all me privileges dat this post offers - forthwith!"
The pirates all gave Beefy a round of applause as he slumped back down and continued drinking his grog.
Coggy got to his feet again and shouted, "Someone bring dis good fella da Pyrate Artikles ta sign!… he's gonna be a fine addition to our merry band"
"Here Here!" replied the others in unison as they drank to Beefy's declaration.
"FURTHERMORE!" called Sir Loin as he staggered to his feet once more, "I declares dat the new Gov'nor shall be none other dan me bestest mate - Billy!"
The puzzled men all looked at one another for a moment, before asking, "Who da heck is Billy?"
Sir Loin said nothing, gave out a deep belch, before turning around and pointing his bottle of grog at a large oil-painting on the wall behind him. "Mates, meet da new gov'nor - Billy Boar!" he said.
The painting was a fine port-trait of Sir Loin's favorite pig. And the pirates took one look at it before giving a great cheer and bursting out into hearty laughter on seeing just whom the drunken Governor had nominated.
"To da new Gov'nor!" shouted Morgan, as he lifted his tankard once more. The laughing pirates followed suit, and toasted the health of the new Governor of Santa Catalina as the four Sisterhood officers said nothing - simply shaking their heads at the absurdity of the whole affair.
Just then, the large double doors leading to the kitchen opened wide, and in came Coggy's cook followed by several nervous house-servants. They hurriedly got to work on preparing the table for the banquet Coggy had ordered earlier.
Before the pirates' very eyes, the table quickly filled with all kinds of foods - fruit, vegetables, spices, roast meats, and fine wines, were placed in front of the gleeful men.
"Arrrr, tis about time too!" said Cog, as he gave his compliments to the cook, and proceeded to gorge himself on the grub.
All the pirates, and their four guests, soon followed suit and tucked in to the great feast.
Morgan grabbed a large piece of roast meat, and bit into. "Hmmm, dis be tha tastiest pork I's ever had!" he said, "Give me compliments to yer cook, Coggy" he added, as he tipped his hat.
Sir Loin looked on with a touch of puzzlement which soon turned to anxiety. "Pork? Pork ye say?" he said.
Morgan abruptly stopped gnawing at the meat on witnessing his cousins growing concern.
Beefy continued, "We don't stock pork on dis entire Island! Tis against me wishes I tells ye!"
One by one the pirates dropped the meat and wiped the food from their beards as Sir Loin's face became flushed with anger.
"WHAR DA 'ELL DID THIS COME FROM?" he barked, as he grabbed Coggy's cook by the throat.
The quivering cook nervously looked around him, wondering what he'd done wrong. "Tis just a butchered pig we found out back… I… I thought it would go nice with yer meal. Made some fine sauces to go with it too, I did" said the man, with a nervous smile.
"BUTCHERED PIG, YE SAY?" barked the now sober Beefy.
"Aye Sir, thars lots of 'em. All cut ta pieces 'n ready fer da cooking pot!" replied the man.
By now, the rowdy pirates had stopped what they were doing as an eerie silence descended throughout the room.
Beefy threw the shaking cook against the wall and drew his cutlass before turning to face the seated pirates. Looking each man in their eyes, he forcefully asked, "Which one of yew friggers gutted me swines?"
After a few tense moments, Davey Jones got to his feet an announced, "Arr, Beefy mate. Twas a lil' misunderstanding ye see" he mumbled, "'Appen some of the lads took it upon 'emselves ta cull yer fine beasts. They had no idea they were pets, ye see."
Beefy's face changed from one of pure rage, to deep sorrow as he realised his best mates had been put to the sword. He put his cutlass away, slumped back into his chair and wiped a single tear from his eye before slowly reaching out for his tankard and drowning his sorrows.
Davey Jones continued, "If'n it'll make ye feel any better, I'll make sure da swabs dat did it 'r hung from the tallest yard arm before the end 'o the day!"
Beefy remained silent as he continued drinking his grog.
Just then, NavyRum reappeared at the door and rushed into the room, "Arrr Beefy mate!… I has some unfortunate news fer thee!" he said, as Davey Jones tried desperately to attract the Lieutenants attention and warn him to say nothing.
But it was too late, NavyRum had proceeded to inform Beefy that his beloved pigs had all trampled the fences down and ran off into the jungle when the pirates appeared earlier.
Beef gave the Lieutenant a menacing stare as he saw straight through his lies.
"Better sit down lad." said Davey, as NavyRum looked around and wondered why it was so quiet.
The four woman guests slowly but surely began to smile, and then laugh at what had occurred.
Annabelle was the first to announce, "Haarrr hehe, looks like yew sorry bastids have just eaten the new Gov'nor 'o this here town! What would the locals think of that? Haaarrrr Haaarrrrrrr."
Moose Lady, Maggie, and Captain Mandy continued to laugh at the pirates' predicament.
Their infectious laughter soon caught on, as the men began to slowly join in in the laughter. Even Beefy seemed to cheer up a little, as Morgan, Jones, Coggy, and Moose, wiped the tears from their eyes and tucked back into the inviting meal - leaving NavyRum to scratch his head and wonder what all the commotion was about.
"Sit down matey, and 'elp us finish off the Gov'nor! Haaar..." laughed Cog, as he bit into another piece of meat.
After a few moments, Sir Loin had forgotten all his woes, and stood once more at the head of the table. Raising his tankard one more time, he proposed a final toast, "Lads, since the unfortunate demise 'o the latest Gov'nor 'o dis here town, I declare as acting Gov'nor - dat none other than Lieutenant NavyRum shall be installed as the new man in charge round 'ere whether he likes it or not!" he said.
Again the pirates lifted their ales and cheered - leaving NavyRum to ask, "Why me?"
"Cos yer a lying, cheatin' bastid if'n ever thar was one and as such, yee'll make a grand Governor!" replied Beef, as the others continued laughing.
"Never mind matey," said Coggy as he patted the Lieutenant on the back, "Ye once told me yee'd sailed in the Navy, became a pirate, and wouldn't mind trying yer hand at politics one day Well here's yer chance, lad." he added, before finishing, "Yer dear old father would be proud fer ye ta take up residence in his former home and take on da role he once held!"
The merry band off pirates tipped their hats to the new Governor, raised their tankards for the last time, and continued celebrating well into the night.